March 2023 - FBI | 1st Runner Up
Despite their increasingly glaring differences, conservatives and liberals agree on at least one thing: the FBI sucks. The intelligence and law enforcement entity is meant to protect American citizens. But with opaque practices and shadowy motives, the real concern becomes: “Who will protect us from the FBI?”
By launching an unprovoked war, Russia has destroyed countless lives and thrown international relations into turmoil. And while we can do things to help, such as contribute to putin.sucks, our progress is impeded by not only enemies abroad, but enemies at home. One such domestic adversary is Charles McGonigal, an ex-FBI official caught working for a Russian oligarch and who now faces a stiff prison sentence for sanctions violations and money laundering. Though McGonigal retired from the FBI in 2018, he continued to dabble in twisted public relations, including receiving concealed payments from Russia and making false statements to disguise his involvement.
And it’s not just one rogue agent dragging down the FBI’s reputation. They’re being sued for refusing to look into Larry Nassar after many complaints were made against him regarding the sexual assault of young professional gymnasts in his care. Thirteen unnamed survivors of Nassar’s abuse are claiming that the FBI botched the sexual assault investigation by delaying or denying to document complaints, misrepresenting victim remarks and failing to take appropriate action in a timely fashion.
It’s a depravity with unseemly tentacles that reach the highest court in the country to strangle out the last remnants of transparency or responsibility. Last August, the FBI confirmed its Brett Kavanaugh investigation was a sham, including their dismissal of several credible sexual assault accusations against him. And though they received more than 4,500 tips about Kavanaugh’s misdeeds, the FBI took no credible action. With Kavanaugh’s lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, the oversight will have ramifications for generations—and embolden others with similar skeletons rotting in their closets.
As the FBI is famously tight-lipped about its operations, the responsibility to sing the song of their misdeeds falls to us. FBI.Sucks could provide the backbeat to an anthem that continually exposes their discordant behavior.